The Road to NowHere

So I just finished to book Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. This book challenged me so much and gave me so much insight to what living a life of radical trust looks like. Manning has a way of cutting me to the core. In one chapter he talked about living a life of trust requires a level of self forgetfulness in which we don't live outside the now and here, hence nowhere. Whew. I read this and had to put the book down. Conviction central.

I am a planner...a little bit type A about it sometimes but along with the plans I make, expectations comes with it. The past month I've been shown time and time and time again that things never happen the way we plan for them to. Things come up, our paths are rerouted. Life happens. Case in point? Last week I scheduled myself to work every day except Wednesday. The only day I worked? Wednesday. I tried the route of holding on loosely to my plans. Didn't work out so well. God gives me an inch of clarity and I stretch it out a mile and not always in a direction He has me going. I realize that in planning I am seeking to reduce risk in my life. Safety becomes my passion and control becomes my god.  My new lease on life? Stop planning. Just be. Stop trying to make things happen but simply let myself be ruined of anything less than His best.

This scares me because it goes against the planner/controller in me. There are no guarantees in letting go. I could let something go and never see it come back to me. However, I realize that by letting go, I am grabbing hold of something so much better.

I am learning. Learning the unforced rhythms of grace. Learning to lean and rock with the ebbs and flow of His will where ever that may lead. Learning to be present in NowHere. Learning to forget myself, my plans, and my expectations to grab hold of Him

with reckless abandon