In the Desert, But Not Deserted

Summers for me have always served as a time in the desert. It was three summers ago that I really began taking my walk with the Lord seriously and that summer God totally rocked my face off. But since then, summers have been marked by a period of dryness.

Last summer I worked for a full summer at Sky Ranch and though I enjoyed the community I had there, I still felt very alone. I felt like the battles I was fighting inside of myself were meant to be fought alone. Alone in the sense of being outside the comfort of home in Austin and outside the comfort of the fellowship and tight community that I have at TCU. Holly and I were both working at camps and she is one that God has certainly put in my life to be yoked with. To hold each other accountable and to encourage each other and speak hard truths into each others lives. With both of us working at camp, contact was very very limited. I could not run to the comfort of her words and encouragement readily, it was God and me.

In the same way, this summer I am living in Baton Rouge. WHAT?! It still gets me. I've been here six weeks and I am still blown away by His provisions. The week before I left I was a mess. It was the freak out moment. "what am I doing? I am crazy. What is my purpose for being there?" Being here, though I have been blessed with awesome community, is so outside my comfort zone. I'm in an unfamiliar city and am here at large because of this calling I feel has been placed on my life. To be honest, I still don't know what my purpose is for being here. All I know is that God is at work and that is all I need to know. But I have found myself in another desert.

Deserts are a barren land, very little grows out there and it is hot and dry. There is little direction in the desert as your footsteps you've left behind are quickly blown away and lost in the sand. It seems to go on forever. It is easy to lose sense of direction because there are no marked out paths to walk upon. There is nothing to hide behind in the desert. Nothing. Leaving me very vulnerable to any and everything. I have to depend on Him because needs in the desert are never readily met. In that dependency the need to LISTEN to Him is ever more important because I would be aimlessly wandering through the desert if not listening to His voice directing me where to go.

I would like to add, though, that though deserts are fruitless, His word never comes back empty. Isaiah 55:11 says that "so is My word that goes out from My mouth, it will not return to Me empty". This time of dryness in the desert, I believe, is a time when the soil is being loosened and turned up, as in preparing for a harvest. Because of the vulnerability that exists in the desert, I am having to face the sin in my own life. Uncomfortable? Yes, but I hate to say it, necessary. Because of my growing need to be dependent on Him, I'm more aware of the sin that separates me from Him. There is no hiding, I have to learn to be vulnerable. I am so resistant to face the sin in my life because I am so stubborn, remember?

In working through the sin in my life, seeds that will lead to a deeper understanding of His love and all that He is will be planted in this newly turned soil which will give way to stronger roots in Him so that more growth can occur.

As I said before, without depending on Him in this desert, I become a wanderer in the desert with no clear paths. His way IS clear but can only be seen while being totally dependent on Him and trusting fully in His character. I can't keep things to myself. In my need to be dependent I need to swallow my pride and take off the mask I hide behind and communicate to the Lord my desires, needs, struggles, and sins. Not one ounce of myself is going to get me through this desert. Only Him. I need to surrender with

Reckless Abandon.