Home.
Home is where the heart is.
Home, sweet Home.
We've heard all the sayings, probably coming from my mouth ;-) Emily recently told me that I was like a walking idiom and she's right! However, the sweetness of being and feeling at home somewhere is something that has been experienced by all.
Home is a place I can be myself. A place where I can be vulnerable. A place where the worst of me can and has been seen yet I still find acceptance there. I have been blessed with an amazing family and though they aggravate the trash out of me sometimes, I adore them and am so thankful for the fact that wherever we are, as long as I am with them, I am home.
This summer I have learned a new definition of home. There are many reasons why I believe God brought me down here to Baton Rouge this summer and I think the biggest was to change me. Friends, my heart has been hugely changed this summer and I am so excited to see the fruits that come from this season of harvesting and growth. This summer, living in a place that was so unfamiliar to me (except for the few weekend trips I had made down here in the past few years) has taught me to make my home in Him.
I have taken huge comfort in knowing that wherever I go, I am not alone. He goes with me. Though I know this is a simple truth, it is the simple truths that can utterly rock your world. Even when I, in my disobedience, go down a road He hasn't directed me down, He goes with me. I will never be alone. I have learned (and am still learning) what blessing comes from being completely vulnerable with Him: with sharing my frustrations, my joys, the highs and lows of my day...everything. I have seen Him move in the simplest and quietest ways, but ways that have glorified Him and magnified who He is in my life.
In the past seven months, I have never seen the hand of God move so directly in my life and in this walls are being broken down. I am learning to trust. In this place, I have never felt closer to the Lord. Never felt more okay with simply being me in His presence. I am beginning to see that in life wherever I go, wherever I am, I will always be at home at long as He is with me guiding me, counseling me, loving me. The best part is that there is no where I can go that He hasn't already been and that He won't go with me to.
In am facing my senior year of college, crazy. There are so many unknowns in facing this year but I have never been more okay with or more excited about it. My life could literally go anywhere. But wherever I go, I know I will be home because He will be with me. He will be guiding me and directing me.
Home. A place of vulerability, comfort, and peace. A place where love is recieved. A place where refuge is found. A place where trust is nurtured. A place where freedom is experienced....a freedom that leads to
Reckless Abandon
"One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple"
Psalm 27:4
Friday, July 23, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Best. Life. Everrrrrrr.
In this life, death is inevitable.
I don't mean to start off this blog post by being a downer but it is the truth. But there is something so beautiful in death. In finding Christ, we die to our old selves, finding Life. In death from this world, we go onto live with Him for eternity. Romans 6:4-5 says:
"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection."
In nursing school, we're trained in how to be a supporter to families at the end of a loved one's life. We're told to tell the family it is okay to let go and tell the person dying that it is okay too.
However, letting go is hard.
When my time comes I would to think that I will be like "I'm done here, my work here is done, I am going to be face to face with the One who has created me." BUT with a family member, I know that letting go is going to be so much harder. I know I am going to make sure that everything possible is going to be done to my beloved family member or loved one before I can let go. Why? I know that leaving this life, it is letting go to grab hold of a better one. Death is and should be a celebration. A celebration of letting go to become part of something so much better.
Paul says over and over and over again in his letters that to live is Christ and to die is gain. Letting go of anything in our lives to grab hold of Him always leads to something better. In letting go, I am releasing the control I think I have to let Him completely take over. His ways are best. They are always better than mine. Why then, do I hold on so tightly? It is a lack of trust and love that drives me to a desire to control my life. My own selfishness and desire for control keeps me from living the full life that He wants me to live aka....best life ever.
My view on life/death is that we know how this story ends. We know, as Christians, that He wins. His love wins. Everytime. The victory we already have needs to be claimed right now. Today. We've got nothing to lose, we are more than conquerors in Him. Ergo I must let go. I want to live my life with the kind of legacy I want to leave behind. And what is that you might ask? I know so well that this life is not about me at all. I know this, but so often fail to live it out. When I take a step out of my selfishness and look at my life, I don't want others to remember me but Him because He is better and His words are unfailing and last forever.There is nothing better or that will provide the most satisfaction.
Best Life Ever, right?
I'm ready to give myself over to the fullness of life He has to offer.
I want Reckless Abandon.
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ" Philippians 3:7-8
I don't mean to start off this blog post by being a downer but it is the truth. But there is something so beautiful in death. In finding Christ, we die to our old selves, finding Life. In death from this world, we go onto live with Him for eternity. Romans 6:4-5 says:
"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection."
In nursing school, we're trained in how to be a supporter to families at the end of a loved one's life. We're told to tell the family it is okay to let go and tell the person dying that it is okay too.
However, letting go is hard.
When my time comes I would to think that I will be like "I'm done here, my work here is done, I am going to be face to face with the One who has created me." BUT with a family member, I know that letting go is going to be so much harder. I know I am going to make sure that everything possible is going to be done to my beloved family member or loved one before I can let go. Why? I know that leaving this life, it is letting go to grab hold of a better one. Death is and should be a celebration. A celebration of letting go to become part of something so much better.
Paul says over and over and over again in his letters that to live is Christ and to die is gain. Letting go of anything in our lives to grab hold of Him always leads to something better. In letting go, I am releasing the control I think I have to let Him completely take over. His ways are best. They are always better than mine. Why then, do I hold on so tightly? It is a lack of trust and love that drives me to a desire to control my life. My own selfishness and desire for control keeps me from living the full life that He wants me to live aka....best life ever.
My view on life/death is that we know how this story ends. We know, as Christians, that He wins. His love wins. Everytime. The victory we already have needs to be claimed right now. Today. We've got nothing to lose, we are more than conquerors in Him. Ergo I must let go. I want to live my life with the kind of legacy I want to leave behind. And what is that you might ask? I know so well that this life is not about me at all. I know this, but so often fail to live it out. When I take a step out of my selfishness and look at my life, I don't want others to remember me but Him because He is better and His words are unfailing and last forever.There is nothing better or that will provide the most satisfaction.
Best Life Ever, right?
I'm ready to give myself over to the fullness of life He has to offer.
I want Reckless Abandon.
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ" Philippians 3:7-8
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Beauty of Brokenness
As much as it stinks...somethings are taught best to us when we're lonely. It is in my own loneliness this present moment that He is revealing His holiness to me.
Working nights at the hospital really puts a damper on my social life. I work all night and sleep all day. It is hard to do anything between work and sleeping especially when I'm doing a twelve hour shift because I have to show up to the hospital just a few hours after I've woken up.
I am an extrovert. An extrovert, by definition is: people that are interested in what's happening outside themselves: their surroundings, people, noises. Extroverts don't tend to enjoy spending time alone, and they get their energy from other people. A significant extroverted personality trait is that energy flows outward. Extroverts often understand a problem better when they can talk out loud about it and hear what others have to say.....me to a T huh?
I thrive off of the interaction with other people. People really are my passion, that is why I chose the profession I did. I love joking with people, talking with people, caring for them, and ultimately just doing my best to love well. However, the downside to this is that I am a people pleaser. I seek approval from other people and my identity can very quickly become placed in the opinions of other people and my worth becomes wrapped around others actions towards me. Not good.
Yesterday, all this came crashing down on me. Physically, I felt like a train wreck. My body has been adjusting off and on to working nights one week to working days the next week. And yesterday I was feeling it. AND God, right now is breaking me of me. The source of this brokenness is not based around any situation or event in my life but really just of God growing me to be more and more the woman He created me to be.
I am a runner. So much of how I relate to things goes back to my mindset of running. There is no focus I have like when I am running and I push myself harder when I am running than I do at just about any other time. I am always pushing myself, striving for more. Just a few more feet, just one quarter of a mile....running harder and harder and faster to reach where I want to be. Striving on and on and on. If something is standing in my way I change my route. But things have changed.
For once, I am being forced to BE. I am too tired to run. Too weak. I'm lacking the stamina I once had to fight and turn and run down another road. All other routes are being shut down. I have no other choice than to be right here, right now, growing through this brokenness and in that growing up in Him.
There is a David Crowder song called "Only You"...and it came on my iPod as I was driving to work yesterday. Now yesterday whilst driving to work I hit a low point, I didn't think I could handle working the next twelve hours feeling the way I was feeling and this song came on. Some of the lyrics go: Take my fret, take my fear All I have, I’m leaving here Be all my hopes, be all my dreams You're my delights, be my everything And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now
....by the end of the song, tears were streaming down my face as I realize that He demanding all of me because He loves me. And He loves me too much to keep me where I am. In all of this, He provides what we need when we need it and I take extreme comfort in the fact that He is taking care of me.
Brokenness is beautiful.
In this brokenness, I am being beckoned. Beckoned to leave myself behind. Beckoned to surrender.
A surrender that will lead to
Reckless Abandon
Working nights at the hospital really puts a damper on my social life. I work all night and sleep all day. It is hard to do anything between work and sleeping especially when I'm doing a twelve hour shift because I have to show up to the hospital just a few hours after I've woken up.
I am an extrovert. An extrovert, by definition is: people that are interested in what's happening outside themselves: their surroundings, people, noises. Extroverts don't tend to enjoy spending time alone, and they get their energy from other people. A significant extroverted personality trait is that energy flows outward. Extroverts often understand a problem better when they can talk out loud about it and hear what others have to say.....me to a T huh?
I thrive off of the interaction with other people. People really are my passion, that is why I chose the profession I did. I love joking with people, talking with people, caring for them, and ultimately just doing my best to love well. However, the downside to this is that I am a people pleaser. I seek approval from other people and my identity can very quickly become placed in the opinions of other people and my worth becomes wrapped around others actions towards me. Not good.
Yesterday, all this came crashing down on me. Physically, I felt like a train wreck. My body has been adjusting off and on to working nights one week to working days the next week. And yesterday I was feeling it. AND God, right now is breaking me of me. The source of this brokenness is not based around any situation or event in my life but really just of God growing me to be more and more the woman He created me to be.
I am a runner. So much of how I relate to things goes back to my mindset of running. There is no focus I have like when I am running and I push myself harder when I am running than I do at just about any other time. I am always pushing myself, striving for more. Just a few more feet, just one quarter of a mile....running harder and harder and faster to reach where I want to be. Striving on and on and on. If something is standing in my way I change my route. But things have changed.
For once, I am being forced to BE. I am too tired to run. Too weak. I'm lacking the stamina I once had to fight and turn and run down another road. All other routes are being shut down. I have no other choice than to be right here, right now, growing through this brokenness and in that growing up in Him.
There is a David Crowder song called "Only You"...and it came on my iPod as I was driving to work yesterday. Now yesterday whilst driving to work I hit a low point, I didn't think I could handle working the next twelve hours feeling the way I was feeling and this song came on. Some of the lyrics go: Take my fret, take my fear All I have, I’m leaving here Be all my hopes, be all my dreams You're my delights, be my everything And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now
....by the end of the song, tears were streaming down my face as I realize that He demanding all of me because He loves me. And He loves me too much to keep me where I am. In all of this, He provides what we need when we need it and I take extreme comfort in the fact that He is taking care of me.
Brokenness is beautiful.
In this brokenness, I am being beckoned. Beckoned to leave myself behind. Beckoned to surrender.
A surrender that will lead to
Reckless Abandon
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